I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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