I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
