i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
