FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
