maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize