she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
