I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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