Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
