that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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