I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
