How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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