Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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