If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize