Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
