Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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