this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
