remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have fence marks all over my body
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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