I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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