What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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