Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
