just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We got so high we made milksteak
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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