Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
