So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
