I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
