i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
