I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
