I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
