I have demons in me.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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