a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
