I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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