so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize