So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
