my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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