Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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