Got a toothbrush?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
