I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you didnt know i had herpes?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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