I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am mentally ready for anal.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize