Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
