i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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