he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
