if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize