Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What drink are we having for lunch?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize