Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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