last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize