is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
