I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
