Please, let me fuck your mom
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
