I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
