My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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