I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
