I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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