i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
