Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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