We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she woke up with a sticky ear
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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