never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
