Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
