ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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