In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
