apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
