I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
