we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
