We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize