he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
