I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize