She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
