2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
