My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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