evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
