I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
