Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize