hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
