If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
