She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
