Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
