Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize