News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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