so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
