Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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