I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
