When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize