dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
